you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
