Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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