she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
