No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
