found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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