Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
