Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
