hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
