"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
