Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
