Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
third nipple confirmed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
