I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
