the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
