he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
