Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
