I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
