i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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