i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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