his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
