just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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