You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
