I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize