is your mom at the bar?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I will be naked everywhere
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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