i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I am morally bankrupt
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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