he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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