even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
