and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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