it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is classic penis vs brain.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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