I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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