Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
