it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
