that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize