the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm just crazy horny about you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
