i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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