When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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