Don't make out with my wife yet
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
