dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
