On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
