I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
