Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
