4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
