yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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