my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
high people should be assigned attendants
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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