i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
