White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
