worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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