closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
