I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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