He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize