I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
