TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
