new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
