I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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