Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
