dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
