I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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