Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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