I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.