dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
