3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
